i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
