Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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