don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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