god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
two words...techno handjob
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
