Your tits are I can't wait for
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
