My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
