Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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