No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
