Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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