You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
