So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
