You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
try to milk me bitch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
