do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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