I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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