So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
