I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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