everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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