i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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