Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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