So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
