The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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