Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
