just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
