The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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