dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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