It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
