Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
