Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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