My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
