I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
