My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
50% drunk capacity currently
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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