i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
