He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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