You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The air was thick with penises
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
