my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
