Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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