somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
