Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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