I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
