You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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