Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
