I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
