I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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