I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
