Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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