just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
