this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
