This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
