The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
