I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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