At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
